I'm recovering from one of those moments...
One of those moments when something ugly rises up in me and I can't cope. I yell at my kids, I question my entire life, I decide there is no way I am going to finish cooking dinner, and instead I'm going to strap my kids into their carseats and drive like hell...probably south since it is about .3 degrees here right now....south seems like a good idea...
Do you know what pushed me over the edge...? Amelia tripped Aven with her blanket after I'd asked her a million times to pick it up off the floor, and Aven opened the cupboard and took the bag of raisins out for the 10,000th time this afternoon....so I lost it over a blanket and raisins. Ugh.
There was a minor blizzard here this afternoon. The thing was hyped for days on the news and really didn't deliver the kind of 'storm of the century' that had been promised. Not that I'm complaining. We spent the morning in town, Amelia went to a few hours of preschool, Aven and I went the YMCA and the grocery store (you know, to stock up for the storm of the century!) then we were home all afternoon with woodstoves blazing, watched the sparrows empty a nearly full birdfeeder, and read piles of books.
Somewhere between Hippos Go Berserk and Goodnight Moon I realized I'd begun putting an awful lot of existential thought into that bowl of mush...When I stretched my brain during a semseter of Advanced Literary Theory and Critique, I'm pretty sure Busy Busy Chickens was not on the syllabus...and yet, there is something wise in these first books I read my children. Small lessons, small wordplay, new expressions and questions asked.
The girls are now tucked into their beds upstairs, asleep after a very loud volley of 'love you' up and down the stairs. A stranger would never guess that was what Aven was saying, but I have no doubt. It was.
I'm following a glass of wine with a cup of sleepytime tea brewed and brought to me by my honey; and I'm feeling a little more balanced. It is below zero now. I think I might bundled up and take a quiet walk down the driveway.
Goodnight stars, goodnight air....goodnight noises everywhere.