Friday, August 24, 2012


the campus library is cool & quiet,
nearly empty.  i have half an hour
before i have to attend orientaion,
and i will have the rest of the afternoon
to myself.

it is so strange
to plan my day without snacks,
naps, potty breaks;
to concern myself only
with my plan, my schedule.

i pass 18 year old girls
with the word 'pink'
accross their bums.

see, i'm such a mom,
i say 'bums.'

i keep wrestling
with the feeling
that i'm pushing us apart
before it has to happen.
i could have more time
for the simple sweetness
of being 'just mom';
although it was never 'just'...

i miss my girls

but i will see them tomorrow
& it is wonderful
to sit in the quiet & write.

i spend so much time thinking
about how best
to suport them
as they become
who they are, it is easy
to forget to support myself;
that i am still busy
becoming who i am,

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

on chokecherries & gratitude

they were small, but plentifull-
a web of tiny purple suns strung
among the leaves,
and we picked until our arms ached
from reaching overhead
for so long, but I kept reaching
because this day will never be
in front of me again,

and in January I want to remember
the sun on my shoulders,
the sound of the creek singing nearby,
& my sticky palms as I
tip my head up
to the blue end-of-summer sky
and let in the day.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

then the cat came back...

After several days of a missing (insanely loved) cat,
skunk spray under the porch (and my car),
computer problems, cabbage worms,
tuition bills, wildfire smoke blocking
the mountain views, chokecherry bushes already stripped bare
when we arrived with our empty buckets,
messes everywhere I look, a living room
only halfway painted (the wrong color?),
two blond sisters
who need some space
and something new to do,
and one mama lying in bed
wide awake at 2 am
considering all of the above...

the cat came back.
She was hungry
but fine.  And then...

everything else
was fine, too.

Monday, August 20, 2012


I'm living in that familiar place
for parents; instant nostalgia;
where each day brings us closer
to the end of another summer,
to the first day of kindergarten,
the first day of preschool,
and my first day
as a 30-something
college student.

Our rhythm will change
dramatically in a few
short weeks.  I feel
unprepared for the shift,
I am impatient & clingy.
As darkness settles in tonight
I watch my barefoot
girls from the front porch
as they make sandbox pies
and talk to the birds.
It is nearly dark out;
no one has had a bath,
or brushed their teeth
but I am nowhere near ready
to call them in.

Friday, August 17, 2012

lay me down

For the last 5+ years
there has been a small body
sleeping in a white crib
somewhere in my house. 
First Amelia
then Aven.

Last night, the crib
was disassembled &
Aven spent her first night
in her new big girl bed.

She went right to sleep
& was the first one awake
this morning, climbing
into our bed, with a smile
on her face.
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