second day

I dropped Aven off at preschool this morning,
then Amelia at Kindergarten.  This is the second day
of our new schedule and we were feeling good;
everyone was dressed, fed, and in place
with time to spare. 



I pulled out of the elementary school parking lot
and headed toward the campus library
where I planned to spend the next four hours. 

And I thought; how does this all happen? 

I still feel like a kid
driving a pretend car at the carnival,
drinking my make-believe coffee,
heading off into my imaginary
grown-up day. 



Except I'm not. 

I'm really the mom,
packing lunches and managing schedules,
dropping my kids off at school with hugs and kisses. 



There are parts of my life
where it feels like time
has somehow folded
back on itself. 
Where I feel childlike disbelief at myself.



I know exactly how I got here;
I feel such a fierce maternal protectiveness
for each day that brought me here,
the choices I've made,
this fragile, beautiful, delicious life I've built...
and yet....really...
how did I get here?