orientation

the campus library is cool & quiet,
nearly empty.  i have half an hour
before i have to attend orientaion,
and i will have the rest of the afternoon
to myself.

it is so strange
to plan my day without snacks,
naps, potty breaks;
to concern myself only
with my plan, my schedule.

i pass 18 year old girls
with the word 'pink'
accross their bums.

see, i'm such a mom,
i say 'bums.'

i keep wrestling
with the feeling
that i'm pushing us apart
before it has to happen.
i could have more time
for the simple sweetness
of being 'just mom';
although it was never 'just'...

 

i miss my girls
unbelievably

but i will see them tomorrow
& it is wonderful
to sit in the quiet & write.

i spend so much time thinking
about how best
to suport them
as they become
who they are, it is easy
to forget to support myself;
that i am still busy
becoming who i am,
also.